I'm an ok guy, never crossed the boundery and proud of it, a veteren, married to a wonderful girl, (sometimes) .lol.. 4 great children now all grown, & 5 wonderful Grandchildren. Grandpa is a great name! Even better when one of your grandchildren call you by Grandpa.... and I still dance.
1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . .. . not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . . having a driver's
license. At age 35 success is .. . . .having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 70 success is . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . .. . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Dont worry about what people think; they dont do it very often.
3. Going to church doesnt make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
6. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other.
13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.
17. Junk is something youve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
23. It aint the jeans that make your butt look fat.
24. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "obsession."
25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
26. You should not confuse your career with your life.
27. Nobody cares if you cant dance well. Just get up and dance.
28. Never lick a steak knife.
29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think shes pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
33. Your friends love you anyway.
34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
35. How old would you be if you didnt know how old you are? 36. Did you notice #9 is missing? 37. I bet you looked.... lol
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